Not only is the Super Bowl the pinnacle of the football season for fans, it’s also the one day some folks watch football all year long.
And those folks can be really annoying.
Trust me, I’ve been one of those folks! You want to sit with everyone and participate, but you don’t know what to say besides “this guac is really good.”
Besides knowing what not to say (click here for the answers to your stupid questions), here are 10 things you can say – and sound like you’ve been watching all season.
1. I can’t take another game like last week’s!
Last week, the Hawks beat the Green Bay Packers in the ugliest game ever. Losing up until the last 3 minutes, the Hawks pulled out a win in Overtime with some miraculous plays. It was a heart-stopper … which sounds fun … but it wasn’t. Trust me.
Bonus: Say, “No turnovers!” When the Hawks are on offense (when they have the ball). A turnover is when we give the other team the ball. It’s what killed us last week.
2. I’m not worried about Tom Brady. Look at what we did to Peyton Manning!
Last year, the Hawks played the Denver Broncos in the Super Bowl. Denver’s Quarterback, Peyton Manning, is a future Hall of Famer and an NFL darling. The Hawks weren’t intimidated by Manning at all, dominating the game and winning 43-8.
Tom Brady (the Patriots QB) is another darling, often referred to as “America’s Quarterback.” Gag.
3. Do you think Scott Shelton is a true 12?
Scott Shelton is a Seahawks fan, who caught the final touchdown ball of last week’s game, when Jermaine Kearse threw it into the stands in the heat of the moment. Collectors have offered him $20,000 for the ball, and Kearse offered him a signed helmet and jersey. At the time of this blog post, Shelton is holding out for Super Bowl tickets. He’s also, apparently, a dead beat dad and has to serve jail time next month.
Remember, Seahawks fans are called 12s. And 12s have opinions on this guy. Only bring this up during a slow point in the game.
4. I hope the LOB isn’t plagued by their injuries.
The LOB, or the Legion of Boom, is the nickname for the Seahawks Secondary (the back of the defense). Two players, Richard Sherman and Earl Thomas, were injured in last week’s game. Sherman sprained his elbow, and Thomas dislocated his shoulder.
FYI, they should be just fine.
5. Is it holding?
Say this when a penalty has been called. You’ll know, because a yellow flag will have been thrown on the field, and a penalty graphic shows up on the screen.
This is football; someone is bound to be holding someone. So if a penalty is called, odds are good that it is holding.
6. This is a battle of the defenses!
Both the New England Patriots and the Seattle Seahawks have notoriously good defenses. Say this especially if the score is low.
Bonus: Statistically, the Hawks defense is better. You can remind people of this, as well as say, “defenses win championships!” It’s a common phrase that holds pretty true.
7. Pete Carroll is a player’s coach.
When they show the Hawks coach, this is an appropriate comment. You can think of coaches as middle management – beholden to the powers that be, but coordinating the workers. Carroll is all about his workers. Conversely, Bill Belichick of the Pats is known as a franchise coach – most concerned about his organization.
Bonus: there’s lots of other things to say about Carroll.
“Can you believe he’s one of the oldest coaches in the league?!?”
“Better get a new piece of gum!” (Carroll chews tons of gum, especially when stressed).
“Pete is going crazy!” (Say this after a Hawks touchdown).
8. Get rid of it!
At some point, you’ll hear the announcer say, “Wilson is in trouble.” That means that the Hawks’ Quarterback is “out of the pocket,” not protected by other players, scrambling to find someone to whom he can throw. At that inevitable point, yell this phrase – because he should!
Traditionally, noise-making happens primarily when our defense is up. This is because noise makes it hard for the offense to hear, and often forces a false start penalty. Some might say that the noise is only relevant if you’re actually in the stadium.
But they’re wrong. It works, okay? It works.
Here’s what you’ll yell when the Hawks victory occurs. After all, back-to-back wins has only happened 4 times. And this win will largely be due to Coach Pete Carroll. It’s a pun worth screaming!