Stupid Questions: Why Are Those Guys So FAT!?!

First of all, that’s not very nice.

But, I get what you mean. I mean, these are elite athletes, and there’s Brandon Mebane doing the truffle shuffle.


Football is a great sport because it is so inclusive. As long as your strength and cardio are on point, there’s a position for every body type.

Big guys
These are your linemen. They are chunky, sure, but it’s all strategic. These guys are meant to be immovable walls, and the broader, heavier, and lower their center of gravity, the less movable they are. Don’t get it twisted, though, underneath all that … padding … is dense, toned muscle, ready to tear you down.

Tall, big, and fast
On offense, these guys might be your Tight Ends. TE’s are utility players. Sometimes they have to make the block, and sometimes they have to run a receiver’s route and make the play. So yes, they’re a bit bigger, but they can also get their speed on.

On defense, they might be the Strong Safety. I’m thinking of Kam Chancellor, here. He’s big – if he gets a hand on you, you’re going down. But he’s also fast – because it’s not really a question of “if.” You’re not going to beat him on a one on one, and chances are, you never saw him coming.

Running Backs are best in this body type, no matter their play style. When I met Shaun Alexander, I was shocked that we were about the same height. But, he was wide. Muscly wide. He looked like he’d have to go through doors sideways. Marshawn Lynch is known for his massive thighs, which he uses to drag multiple opponents. A low center of gravity is essential: it makes it tough for the defense to bring em down.

Light and flexible
Kickers. Duh.

On offense, these are your Quarterbacks and Receivers. These guys need to see over the play, and have the wingspan to throw and catch. They also have to be fast, either in scrambling or in route running.

On defense, these are your Corners. There they are, defending the WRs. They have to be even faster, and outreach the WR’s for interceptions.

And then there’s Russell Wilson. He’s a notoriously short QB, but that doesn’t seem to be hampering his career.

Not all players fit the mold. In fact, body types have traceable trends. WR’s and Corners are actually getting taller, defying a historic preference for lightness and speed over wingspan. Maybe that has something to do with the World’s Best Defense and Richard Sherman. Who knows? šŸ˜‰

That football type
My daughter is a swimmer. Even if I never told you, you’d know. She is tall and long-limbed, with broad shoulders and a narrow waist. She’s a swimmer-type.

I love that football doesn’t have a type.
Mebane and Hauschka and Sherman are all on the same team. And that’s beautiful.



2 responses to “Stupid Questions: Why Are Those Guys So FAT!?!

  1. Real football players only have one type, tough. Mentally / physically tough. Guys who have figured out its better to be the hammer than the nail. Guys who will run through a brick wall into oncoming traffic for their team mates. Body type be damned , I want eleven truly tough guys on my side of the ball. Sadly not all guys playing football are tough, but the tough guys are football players.

  2. Pingback: Master Post: Stupid Questions | therookiegirlblog·

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